what i've learned.

HELLO! It has been a long time since I've last posted, and I'm kind of bummed about it because there have been some fun times that I haven't documented. Journaling is important, folks. Anyways, I only have 15 more days until I am completely done with my first year of college! It is insane. I honestly feel like I just moved here, and now I'm about to move out. I am so ready to be done with classes, but I am going to miss living with Caroline and my other roomies. Since I have been pretty nostalgic this month as the end is coming near, I have really spent some time reflecting on everything that has gone on this year. I know I'm still really young and naive, but I feel like I have learned a few things about myself and life. If you are a senior in high school right now I would recommend writing this stuff down because it will help you, I promise.

Things Emily Has Learned

1. College isn't that hard. I was freaked out of my mind to start college. I was scared to move away form home, to take harder classes, to buy my own groceries, to live with strangers...just everything. I was so overwhelmed by the newness of it all and by how much of my life was out of my control, but it honestly ended up being just fine. If you were like me and took a ton of honors, AP, and CE classes in high school then you will totally be ready for college classes. I still have had to work my butt off and try way hard, but it wasn't anything I wasn't capable of. I was lucky enough to live so close to my siblings and not too far away from my parents. I ended up seeing my family way more than most pepole get to, so honestly I only had time to miss my cat. College is too fun to miss home anyways, plus you gain a nice support system here if you are someone who gets home sick.

2. Let go of the little things. Living with roommate has definetly taught me not to sweat the small stuff. Obviously this is something that I can still work on, but I am way better at it then I was before. Learn to prioritize what you get frustrated at. Like yes it is super annoying if your roomate doesn't do their dishes or someone eats your newly purchased tub of cookie dough, but is making a big deal out of it really worth it? You have to live with these people and if you are constantly being bothered by the little things, you are not going to enjoy your life. Learn to let things slide and accept the mistakes of others because we all make them.

3. Learn who you are. Now I know you can't really put a time table on self actualization, but if possible try to learn who you are like now. Haha, I know we are always changing and growing and always learning new things about ourselves, but if you take genuine time to understand who you are and who you want to be then you are going to be way better off. At college I have seen a bunch of lost people making stupid decisions and losing control of their lives becasue they never really had a plan. They haven't quite yet figured out who they are. If you know your morals, your goals, your boundaries, your characteristics, and your motives, then you are more likely to make rational decisions that fit within the life you want. I honestly don't know a ton about life or people or anything, but I do know who I am and where I want to go. That has helped me so much this year.

4. Be happy with right now. I say this is something I learned, but honestly I suck at this. I struggle way hard with being anxious for the future and negative abou the present. I'm always like oh man I'd be happier if I were just graduated, or I'll be happier once I'm married or I can finally be happy once this trial goes away and blah blah blah. The reality is I'm never going to be happy if I just don't learn to love every stage of my life. Being a teacher and a wife and a mom all sound like more fufilling roles than just being a student, but that's where I am in life right now. There are so many great and exciting things about being this young and independent. I blame Pinterest and Instagram for making me so eager to fall in love and have cute babies when I'm way too young to be thinking about those things haha. I'm learning to love every day and every part of this time in my life. It's good to plan ahead and prepare for the things you want for your future, but don't forget to take time to enjoy the present. We won't be able to get anywhere if you don't take advantage of right now.

5. Take care of yourself. This was kind of a weird thing I learned that I have never really thought of before. Right now I should be the most important person in my life. I'm not trying to sound super like self centered or anything, but it's kind of just true. I'm the type of person who tends to want other people to be happy even if it isn't what would make me the happiest...I'm sure most humans who want to be good people are this way as well. In general that is a good selfless characteristic, but sometimes you've just gotta do your own thing. This year has been full of watching others make big decisions and me making big decisions. When it comes to important things in life, you have to put yourself first right now. Obviously it's different when you have like a spouse and children, but for me that's how it needs to be. I need to be close to the Lord and make decisions that he wants for me, even if it may inconveniece others. That has been a challenging thing for me to learn, because it kind of goes against everything I've been before. But it's true...take care of yourself. Be a good person and considerate and understanding, but take care of you. Also going along with this message: get enough freaking sleep, don't do drugs, buy healthy food, drink a lot of water, don't go to sketchy parties, and clean your room. Ok ya...just treat yourself right.

I'm way grateful for my first year of college. It failed some of my expectations, but exceeded some of my others. Everyone will have a different experience with life so don't really have a set idea in your head. Life is great and wonderful, even if it isn't what you wanted it to be. I'm super excited for next year and all good times it's going to bring me. My little room of 305 will always be so dear to my heart. I have shared so many tender/hilaroius memories with my rommates in that little apartment of ours, and I'm so blessed because of that. I better soak in these last two weeks, becasue I already miss it.

blessed.

I am just feeling really overwhelmed with gratitude right now, and I feel that it would be selfish of me not to write it down. I have the most beautiful life. I have an incredible family, incredible friends, and incredible opportunities. I, as well as most of you, have days where the world seems so suffocating, dark, and heavy. My life has been full of hard things, especially this last year, but I'm coming to realize how lovelier those things have made it. I now more fully understand how much I really don't understand. We think we are in control of our lives and that we know exactly what we're doing, but that's when the Lord steps in and kindly shows us we need some humbling. He is the only one who truly understands and the only one who is truly in control. On those days when my life seems so cloudy, it's relieving to turn to the Lord for simple clarity. Parts of my life don't make sense and sometimes I wish I was a different person with different trials, but I'm still grateful for everyday I have experienced. Life is just so confusing and magical and limitless that it hurts my head sometimes. Heavenly Father loves me so much. He loves you so much. You're life is so awesome, regardless your circumstances and I really really hope you know that. If you don't know that, I challenge you to learn that concept because it will change you. It's so important to look at the beauty in everything, especially when it's easiest not to. Everything in our life can be an opportunity to better ourselves, and if that doesn't show you how amazing this life is then I don't know what will. I really just want to wrap my arms around my life right now and thank it for being so weird and challenging and exciting and radiant. Everyone just go hug your moms or go pet a puppy because life is just so perfect! Ok, that's all. Here's a picture of a mountain.

emily the hunchback.

When I was around 11 I started getting pain in my back if I sat on a chair without a back rest or if I stood too long. I'm pretty sure most humans on this planet have similar pain doing those things, but as I kept getting older the pain got worse. When I was 16 I had to get a physical for my tennis team, and the doctor told me I had Scoliosis. I was super confused because they make you get checked in school every year and no one had ever said anything to me about it before. I'm pretty sure everyone's favorite day of gym class was the day they checked your backs because you got to waste a lot of time doing nothing. Well apparently those Scoliosis checker people have no idea what they're doing. Thanks public education. It was kind of nice to understand why my back hurt so bad, but also scary to look into the possibility of surgery. Well I put it off for two years, and my back got really bad. I'm at the point where I wake up in pain and go to bed in even worse pain. The only position that relieves any of the pain is lying flat on my back, but even that sucks. During this Christmas break I decided to go get my back looked at by a specialist because I was tired of always hurting. I got some x-rays and I was just expecting to find out how bad my Scoliosis was, but it turns out I don't even have Scoliosis! The curvature in my back is called Thoracic Kyphosis. This is similar to Scoliosis except Scoliosis is when your spine is curved like an "S" and Kyphosis is when your spine is curved like a hump. Super attractive, I know. A normal spinal curve is 40-45%, and my curve is 78%. 

(a normal spine on the left, my spine on the right)

The amazing news is that I don't need surgery! I don't even want to imagine that scenario. But the bad news is that I have to do a ton of physical therapy. I started physical therapy the first week of January, and it has been going well. I go twice a week every week, and each appointment is about 2 hours and 45 minutes. Obviously it's a struggle to dedicate 6 hours a week to physical therapy when I have a million other things going on, but I know it'll be worth it. I'm making friends with all of my aids and all the elderly patients, so it's actually kind of fun. There's an elderly woman who always talks about how she used to have a swearing problem, and an elderly man who never wears socks. They're cool people. A lot of the aids are really attractive young men, but it sucks because they're all married. I call them Hot Steven, or Hot Brian, or Hot whatever their name is. Don't worry, I already know I'm an inappropriate person. The physical therapy has been helping, but I definitely have a long way to go. I'm not really excited to get older because this will only get worse with age. I hope I don't end up looking like Quasi Moto, because I can't even get dates looking the way I do right now! Anyways, show my x-rays to your children and scare them into having good posture. That's not why my spine is curved, but I'm sure growing up with better posture would have helped haha. Oh, and special shout out to my roommate Kiana for all the back massages. You're appreciated. 

2015.

I've never really been into New Year resolutions for a couple reasons. One being that resolutions are hardly ever kept past February, and the other being that you can set goals for yourself anytime of the year not just January 1st. It's just always funny to me how big of a deal everyone makes this time of year when it is really just another day. However, I do feel a sense of optimism about 2015 that I haven't really felt about past new years. 2014 was kind of a weird year for me. I went through a lot of life changes, some fun and some not so fun. Strangely enough, graduating high school and moving away from home were not the most dramatic events of this year. I've had to really relearn who I am and figure out how to live a new life- a life of adulthood and self-understanding. Because of all these changes in my life and within myself in 2014, I can make 2015 a year of building and bettering. I have exposed my struggles and imperfections so blatantly that I can now learn to improve and grow. It's kind of how you have to tear down a foundation in order to rebuild something stronger and better. I have hope that in this year I will learn to feel comfortable with my life and become a happier person. I think no matter where we are in our life, this is something we all can do. All of us go through trials that help us understand ourselves in new ways. We can always take these type of experiences to become better, kinder, and wiser. I have set New Year resolutions this time around, and I feel determined to continue them past February. I hope all of us take this year to improve ourselves and become a person we've always wanted to be. When it comes to character improvement, nothing is really impossible. We can all become the person we dream of being. I'm cringing at how cliche this all sounds, but it is true. I just want to be a good person with a satisfying life, and I hope 2015 brings me one step closer to that. 

christmas.

So Christmas has come and gone, and I still haven't written about it! I hope everyone had as an amazing of a Christmas as I did. I'm so glad I got to spend it at home with all of my family. I made a quick video of our Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. The reason I haven't posted this yet is because I've been waiting to return to school so I have fast enough internet to upload the video, haha my parent's house has the worst internet in the world. A tradition that isn't shown in the video is delivering food at the hospital. Ever since I can really remember this has always been a tradition since my dad has always worked at a hospital. We deliver a Christmas dinner to the employees who have to work on Christmas Eve. It is always really fun even though we are just walking around the hospital handing out food. Things that are shown in the video are our Christmas Eve dinner, playing What's In My Box off of Jimmy Fallon, a money dice game, opening presents, and just being with family. If you don't watch Jimmy Fallon, the game is two people sitting across from each other with a barrier so the opponent can see your face but not your box, then one person looks at the contents of their box and describes what is in it and the other player decides if they are telling the truth or lying. It was hilarious. Anyways, I had a lovely Christmas and a lovely break! It was great to take time away from the stress of normal life and focus on the Lord and all our blessings. I'm so grateful for our Savior and his love for all of us, and I'm so grateful for my family and our love for each other. Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season as well!

one semester done.

I FINISHED A SEMESTER OF COLLEGE! I'm alive...pretty poor...but I'm alive. Finals wasn't terrible, but I mean I wouldn't love every week to be like that week. I'm so excited to be home for almost a month! I haven't had a real Christmas break since probably kindergarten. I'm always swamped with homework during break, but homework isn't even an option in college since the semester ends. It's wonderful. I'm planning on watching every episode of Gilmore Girls and reading a few books. If that's not a perfectly planned break than I don't know what is. 

I'm going to miss living with my roommates so much. I've been ridiculously lucky to have amazing roommates who I was in no hurry to leave. We threw a Christmas party/ birthday party for Kiana and Laura/ end of finals party on our last night together, and it was really fun. We wore Christmas sweaters, made gingerbread houses, exchanged presents, and had a low volume dance party because of quiet hours. It took a lot of self control to not belt out Toxic by Brittney Spears, but I practiced some self control.

 I am honestly so proud of my gingerbread house. Normally my gingerbread houses look like crap even when they're made with a kit, but I did pretty good with graham crackers and Walmart candy this year.

 Caroline got really excited about these balloons...

 These are our really beautifully wrapped presents under our really fancy tree.

 Already miss these weirdos bucket loads, and I can't wait to continue our really long sleepover in January.

givin' thanks.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Not only did I not have to go to school, but I got to spend time with my family. So it was a good week. This time of year is dedicated to being grateful, and I definitely have a lot to be grateful for. I have the most incredible family who double as my best friends. I used to hate being the youngest child, but I love that we can all just be friends since we are all "grown up" now. Even back when the age difference seemed more drastic, they have always been my closest and most understanding friends. They put up with my annoying adolescent behavior and taught me how to become a better person. I'm grateful for a family who loves each other unconditionally and always treats each other with kindness. I'm grateful for my opportunity to receive an education. Although school is hard and expensive, it is still the greatest gift I could ever receive. Regardless if I work until I'm 65 or not, I know my life will be blessed by earning a degree. I'm of course grateful for the gospel and the privilege I have to be apart of something that makes me so happy. I'm grateful for my testimony and the ability we have to share it with others. I am grateful for patience- people who have it and share it with me. I can be a lot to handle at times, but the people in my life are masters of patience and have helped me in countless ways. I am grateful for my amazing friends. They keep me sane and keep me happy. I don't know what I would do without their support, love, and humor. I am grateful for good music and good books; they keep my life intriguing, meaningful, and inspiring. I am grateful for photography and the blessing it has been in my life in every way. Not only has it helped me financially, it has helped me emotionally and creatively. I love capturing moments and raw emotions, and I'm very lucky to do it as my job. I am grateful for my cat who is the most perfect little thing in the world. I'm actually just grateful for cats in general. Things that don't seem as important but I am still grateful for are: holiday mint m&m's, honeycrisp apples, socks that are tall enough to cover my ankles because my pants are always too short, pillsbury seasonal sugar cookies, aux chords, caroline's ability to wake up on time so she can wake me up when I sleep past my alarm, diet coke, Netflix, and the Kardashians. All in all, it doesn't matter what you have or what your life is like- there is always a lot to be thankful for. Our lives are magical and significant, and I hope you don't take your blessings for granted. 

(I'm also thankful for squishy family snuggles in my bed while watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)